when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
