I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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