Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Welp...herpes.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
