PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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