My nipple is on Facebook.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
