Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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