This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
