i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
