then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
