I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Who did Billy Mays play for?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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