i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize