I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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