he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
