Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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