I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
