i think my tv is drunk
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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