You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
