Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize