Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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