I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
