I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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