Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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