i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You're like the curious george of whores
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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