Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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