whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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