I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
