is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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