i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
