your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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