im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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