just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
