You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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