Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize