saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
