i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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