Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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