and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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