i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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