Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
