my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
