It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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