i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am midnight drunk by noon
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
