she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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