So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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