Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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