can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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