Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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