i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
