I heard we made out
high people should be assigned attendants
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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