the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
