Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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