the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
