A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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