I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
