he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
