Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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