Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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