Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
