I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
