i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
