I wish I could teleport
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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