my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
