If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
