Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
