He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
