There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
