If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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