you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
