i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
do herpes really smell.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize