Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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