Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
that's an acceptable place to lick
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
