for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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