new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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