She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
