Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
