put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
