Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
