I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
