I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
