are you still at the devil's house?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize