Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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