If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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