a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
