If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize