It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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