Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
