were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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