doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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