I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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