your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize