i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
