Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize