My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
