dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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