hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
