Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
