I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
