only if we run a train.
done.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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