i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
