Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize