The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
