So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I take back everything I said about communal showers
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize