Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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