the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
