I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
