he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
