Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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