News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize