i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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