Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
