I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
