pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Terrible idea I love it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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