I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
