So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
