Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
