I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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